Seek and you shall find, or: fun with search terms

I sometimes share odd search terms that show up in my stats with my Twitter followers. (I still don’t know what the person searching “whores girls” was looking for!) Mostly, I get people searching things like “feminists are crazy” or “I hate women” – fairly routine men’s rights activist kind of stuff. Sometimes, though, I’ll get a real gem. Here are a few of my favourite search terms, pulled from my blog stats dating back to the blog’s creation.

“sex gsm woman fuk gay”

I have no idea what this means. It’s like some kind of strange code. Does this person want to find gay women to fuck? Are they saying, “fuck gay women!” in a really confusing way? Is there an alternate meaning of GSM (gender and sexual minorities) of which I’m unaware that would make this even weirder? Is this person’s ‘c’ key broken?

So many questions that will sadly have to remain unanswered.

why do white people say paki”

I don’t know, random Google user. I really don’t know. (They ought to stop, though. That shit is racist.)

“fuckable home objects that feels like a girls mouth”

A few things:

1) This guy needs to just shell out for some decent quality sex toys

2) Which of my blog posts came up when he searched this?!

“is queer so nineties”

Things that are nineties: Nirvana, MTV actually showing music, Hey Arnold! being on TV, Doc Martens, feathered bangs.

Things that are probably not nineties: people’s sexual orientations.

“how prevent feminism”

You can’t, random Google user. We’re EVERYWHERE.

I have so many variations on this one, including “feminists crazy”, “feminism needs to stop” and “crazy feminist views”. Maybe I ought to put a link to the Men Going Their Own Way forums in my “about me” to help all these lost souls out.

Or maybe they should get their heads out of their asses and not be bigoted clowns. Either/or.

“i care only about my own opinion”

Is this person confessing? Mocking someone? Looking for advice on shutting up their overbearing boss? Trying, for some reason, to find people who only care about their own opinions? Googling a quote from something? I’ll never know.

“the galz tht they sale they body sex”

I think you’re looking for sex workers, and I don’t think you’ll find them via my blog. I would be happy to give you a few recommendations, though.

“reblog if you want nasty, dirty, perverted questions in your in box”

What the fuck?

“half decent animal sex sites”

Seriously, what the fuck?

“white people’s day”

I’m guessing this was either someone who thinks there needs to be a White History Month, or a frustrated PoC looking to see if there is a White History Month (or day) so that they could shut up a derailer. Either way, there is a White People’s Day! It’s every single day ending in ‘y’.

“patriarchy is the best”

No it isn’t. Did you mean to write “the worst” and get distracted?

“what is tw of the blood”

I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS.

“things that are white”

Hey, Google user, you should check out that “shit white people like” site. I hear it sometimes touches on this topic.

“feminists think men should not want sex”

FALSE.

“left a good girl for a whore”

I hope the whore leaves you, asshole. You don’t deserve her.

“what sexy things to do with male to male”

Wish I could help you, bub, but sex acts not involving women are kind of not my area of expertise.


Readers, what are some of the strangest/best/most mind-boggling search terms you’ve ever received? And will people ever stop Googling “feminists are crazy”?

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One thought on “Seek and you shall find, or: fun with search terms

  1. Going through my old search terms for my faves was really, really entertaining, so thank you. A few of my all-time favourites include:
    “why can’t black people speak proper english” – I so desperately want to know what answers my blog had for this person.
    “why is eminem not saying anything about trayvon martin” – I have no idea how this would lead to my blog. I have never said a word about Eminem.
    “dr. joy degruy degruy in mount vernon, new york” – I have no idea who this person is.
    “a police officer pulls over a car driven by a hispanic male. because of the man’s race, he immediately assumes that the man is an illegal immigrant and arrests him. this police officer is guilty of which of the following practices?” – Who is Googling this? Why are you Googling a short story, person?
    “choose the best definition for the word implore based on its context in this sentence:that new smoked green iced tea is the best i’ve ever had; i simply implore you to try for yourself to see if i’m correct. ” – What?
    And…*drum roll*
    “matthew simmermon-gomes is gay” – This one has two hits. Multiple humans have Googled my sexual orientation.

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